Dreams

“Your medicine is working really well”, my husband told me recently. “You’re doing really well”. I told him thanks, and I’m okay, I think. I guess. But there is an undercurrent, a constant undercurrent. I try to explain it to him. It’s like the sound a shell makes when you hold it to your ear,Continue reading “Dreams”

Violence

I have hardly been able to function today. Visions, images, memories of my father flood my mind and I can’t escape them. I can’t escape them. They make me want to die, to crawl out of my skin and scratch my way out of this world just to escape the pain. I smoke a cigarContinue reading “Violence”

June 15, 2019 – edited. On anger and antidepressants.

Tonight there are a lot of thoughts tumbling around inside my head, tumbling, tumbling, tumbling. It’s confusing – they jump around a lot. It feels like I don’t have a grip on my anger the way I did before the medicine kicked in. It’s hard to find, like an ember barely burning in the sunshine,Continue reading “June 15, 2019 – edited. On anger and antidepressants.”

Overstimulation and mental hoarding; Saturday night.

Full, full, full. Overfilled. It is a feeling with no words to act as a launching pad for description. Full isn’t right. Racing? No. It hurts, it’s painful. There are things that need a way out, but can’t come out with only words. That may not come out at all. It’s the feeling that aContinue reading “Overstimulation and mental hoarding; Saturday night.”